Long distance relationships are full of complications. There is the never seeing each other, the five second phone calls 100 times a day and the costs of having to travel to one another.
With high phone bills and stress from school, it's hard to maintain the kind of relationship that most people want. Staying connected is the hardest part, because you are at two different places with two different lives. There are two sets of friends, different assignments due on different weeks and going out and trying to meet new people without losing the trust of your partner.
So how do you find a happy medium? Most would say it is all about trust, but I think you have to take that one step further. The key is keeping the spark alive, you know that spark that makes you think you don't want to even look in the direction of someone else.
What happens when that spark dies? How long do you try to fight it to avoid the inevitable?
From my past experience things take a turn for the worse when it's been a while since you have seen each other and aren't able to work things out face to face. Accusations fly and things spiral out of control.
With my relationship, I did things I wasn't proud of and so did he, but a part of that was adjusting to college. Granted that isn't an excuse, but adjusting to life without rules or guidelines takes a little bit. Having freedom to do what you want when you want is something that most people find overwhelming, and you grow from those experiences. I grew in a direction that led me away from my boyfriend. Lesson learned.
Things happen for a reason, and I believe we aren't together now for a reason. Part of that was the distance. Going from seeing each other every day to once every other month was more than an adjustment, it altered from the routine I got accustomed to.
I don't think long distance relationships work, but I want your opinions.
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but distance is distance. It's the empty space between you and the person you love. More often than not, the space continues to grow until it's too big to fix.
Does distance make you closer or do you run in the wide open spaces?
3 comments:
I am glad you wrote about this topic, and I am happy to offer my opinion.
There is no single answer to "Do long distance relationships work?" It's a case by case basis.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years. About five months were spent together, and ever since then it's been long distance, and I haven't been able to call him in a year. (He's been able to call ME but not vice versa). You may have guessed it: he joined the military and shipped out.
It has it's rough times there's no doubt about it. And you hit the nail on th head when you said there's more to than just trust. Although trust is probably the single largest componant.
As far as keeping the spark alive, both individuals have got to take initiative, initiative to not only call but send packages because having something to hold on to makes the person seem that much closer.
Another major factor, and this I think may be the hardest for most people: the lack of sexual contact, of any type, not so much as a kiss. I went ten months of the last year without feeling his hand in mine. But you know... when you're involved in long distance you realize a relationship is so much more than just the physical contact. There's trust like you said, but there's also communication- and lots of it. It's being able to appreciate the other one's presence when ARE together. And being willing to wait, to have the self control to avoid looking or mingling with other boys. (Or girls).
I guess when it all comes down to it, it's a matter of is it worth it? How much do you really love the other person and how much of a relationship was really there before the separation? When I say how much of a relationship was really there, I mean just that- how much foundation, how well did you know the other person, how secure did you feel with them, ... everything besides the sex.
Without a strong foundation a long distance relationship is more tough than need be. Mostly, it's just a very mature stance that each individual has to recognize.. to know that the other person is worth the wait.
Anyway, that's my theory. Maybe it didn't make sense to you, but my whole life for the past two years has been long distance, and I tell you... it has brought us so close. The distance and all the e-mailing has allowed us to really talk with one another, which is something so many couples forget to do like I said, they think it's all about the sex. But it's not.
If you can survive long distance I think your relationship can survive anything. :)
I love that you responded to this because military relationships is a topic I am going to tackle here in the next week and I would love feedback from someone who is in one.
I completely agree with you that it's case by case and that having the lack of intimacy is one of the hardest parts.
Going without being able to touch that person makes you miss them even more. I love how you described keeping your spark alive and I can't wait to write on this topic.
I really enjoyed your response and I hope to see more in the future!
Congratulations to you and your boyfriend for making it two years even with the distance. I think it gives hope to a lot of people!
I've had two boyfriends during my college career, both were from JMU, both relationships turned out to be train wrecks. It just seemed like being at the same school gave us very little space and it's very hard to balance a relationship with the JMU party atmosphere. Who knows, I guess it's different for everyone!
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